I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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