Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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