Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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