Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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