So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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