My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
