She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize