Can i not drive my cunt home
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
