the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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