just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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