I look better un-naked...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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