I didn't shave. On purpose
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
