just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
