i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
