yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
