I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
