He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize