New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
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