So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so that wasnt chicken after all
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
