somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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