WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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