where am i from again
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
