I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
