Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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