chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
