his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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