i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
