I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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