What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
