I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
