come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hippo gnu deer
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
