Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
