i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
