dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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