I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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