I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
