Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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