dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
