does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
