I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish i was in the wii world.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
