i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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