It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
