The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
