i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
