She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
