Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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