i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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