you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
