Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
