The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Someone signed my nipple.
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