i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
