At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
