i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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