I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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