Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
