the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize