why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
