Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
