2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize