Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
