You can't motorboat a personality
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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